Trust and Character: Why Leaders Lose Trust Without Realizing It

In nearly every discussion about leadership, one theme consistently stands out: trust. Trust is the foundation of all effective relationships—both personal and professional. Without it, some of the best strategies, ideas, and visions fail to materialize

How often have you heard someone mention a leader, teammate, or peer and say something like:

• “I like them, but I don’t trust them.”

• “I don’t trust them as far as I can throw them.”

• “They’ll tell you what you want to hear, but it won’t be the truth.”

• “They don’t care about us, just the results.”

• “They don’t know what they’re doing.”

• “They’ll say anything to get what they want.”

While these comments often stem from personal frustrations or perceptions, they highlight a universal truth: trust is fragile.

In his book, The Speed of Trust: The One Thing That Changes Everything, Stephen M.R. Covey identifies character and competence as the two core components of trust. Both are necessary, but without character—integrity, honesty, and authenticity—trust crumbles.

Unfortunately, many leaders unintentionally lose trust, often without realizing it. Trust takes time to build but can be lost in an instant, which is why emotional intelligence and self-awareness are critical for leadership. Below are some subtle ways leaders lose trust—and what employees often think as a result.

Participating in Gossip or Laughing at Others

When leaders gossip or make fun of others, they undermine their credibility. Employees quickly notice and begin to wonder if they’re the next topic of conversation.

• Employee Reality: “If they talk about them to me, they’ll talk about me to someone else.”

Avoiding or Delaying Difficult Conversations

Leaders who avoid addressing performance issues or conflicts send a message of inconsistency and inaction.

• Employee Reality:
  “The boss said they’d handle it, but it’s been days, and nothing’s changed.”
  “Instead of addressing the real problem, they just threaten the whole team. Why won’t they deal with the violators directly?”

Failing to Follow Through on Promises

When leaders imply a promise—whether explicit or implied—and fail to deliver, employees feel let down and lose confidence.

• Employee Reality: “The boss told me I’d be in the next training session, but it didn’t happen.”

Being Inaccessible or Absent

A leader who is rarely available or present can make employees feel unsupported and disconnected.

• Employee Reality:
  “The boss is never here. They’re either working from home or busy elsewhere. How can I talk to them?”

Playing Favorites

Favoritism, whether intentional or not, creates division and resentment within teams.

• Employee Reality:
  “The boss talks to the same people every day. I’m not even sure they know my name.”
  “Their favorite is always in their office, while the rest of us are working.”

Failing to Admit Mistakes or Taking Credit for Success

Leaders who blame others for their errors or take credit for team achievements come across as untrustworthy.

• Employee Reality:
  “The boss told me to do it this way, then blamed me when it didn’t work out.”
  “They always look for a scapegoat when things go wrong.”

Withholding Feedback

Employees need feedback to grow, but when leaders fail to provide it—whether positive or corrective—they appear disengaged or indifferent.

• Employee Reality:
  “The boss never deals with the people who don’t pull their weight.”
  “I don’t know if I’m doing a good job because they never say anything.”

Leadership is not just about hitting targets or delivering results—it’s about earning and keeping the trust of those you lead. Trust may take time to develop, but it’s worth the effort.

No leader is perfect but subtle behaviors can erode trust.

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